Writing for your children: Storytelling to support racial identity development

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thankstakingby Sachi Feris

I hung on to my high school copy of “We Are the Stories We Tell” for years. From my earliest memories, the question, “Who Am I?” called to me, beginning a life-long process of considering my identity as a White, Jewish woman of Russian, Polish, Lebanese, Syrian, and Cuban descent.

“Where are you from?” is a question I am often asked and “New York,” is an answer that doesn’t suffice. They want to know where I’m from, in other words, why I look the way I do.

When I was in college, I almost took a Psychology seminar one semester. It was the first week of classes and I was “shopping” for courses. I was happy to see a friendly face when I entered the room and went over to sit next to a friend, L. The professor was a white bearded, White man.

Halfway through the class, I’d decided it wasn’t for me but could not find a way to escape from the intimate setting with only a dozen or so other students. I was fully engaged in passing notes with L and not paying attention. There was a back and forth between two students, something about whether a heterogeneous society is more apt to produce conflict than a homogenous one, but again, I wasn’t really listening.

It was then that a petite, seemingly well-intentioned woman exclaimed, “But look at this campus! We’re all the same! I mean, look around this room! We’re all White!” Then she pointed at me. “Well, except for you,” she added, “you look like there’s a little bit of something in you.”

Now she had my attention. My jaw literally dropped but no words came out. My eyes suddenly felt more open than they had ever been and I couldn’t blink. There was a pause as everyone looked at me and then around at the professor to see how we would respond. I looked at my friend L whose blue eyes pierced mine, and her eyebrows raised into a forehead of three long wrinkle lines.

The moment passed, the subject changed, and it was never dealt with in public or private. When I dropped the class, L told me the professor had cornered her, trying to discern whether my absence had anything to do with what had happened.

This is not a story I have shared with my children, ages 4, 6, and 9…yet. I know I will share this story one day, as they navigate questions regarding their own identities and their responsibility as White people in a world where people of color and BIPOC experience microaggressions every day like the one that made my jaw drop in the “little bit of something in you” story. I want my children to hear my personal story so that they can understand how it feels when someone makes assumptions about you, stereotypes you, or “others” you.

Because on most days, I walk through the world benefitting from how I look—and so will my children. By telling my own story, I can make connections to experiences of people whose racial identities are different than my own. By telling my own story, I can invoke feelings and truths that can help my children become adults who will build community, stand in solidarity, and take action for justice.

In facilitating Raising Race Conscious Children workshops, I have been struck, at times, by (White) participants’ absence of inquiry into their own stories. A White person who identifies as Jewish, for example, is unsure of how to talk U.S. slavery with their own children—but observes Passover and hasn’t talked about the history of Jewish enslavement. A White person who doesn’t know how to talk about institutional racism and inequities with their children, but has not revealed their own experiences with classism. A White person who is struggling to talk about relatives who make racist statements, but hasn’t connected to their own journey towards an anti-racist, White identity.

As a White blogger focusing on talking about race with young children, I have already shared some stories about my children and their racial identities, and will be sharing more in 2022. In this new, four-part workshop series, Writing for your children: Storytelling to support racial identity development, participants will:

  • reflect on their own/their child(ren)’s racial identities (birth-teens)
  • embrace the power of writing and storytelling to teach your child(ren) about themselves and others
  • Write and practice telling (up to) three concrete stories to be shared with your child(ren)

Inspired by the racial identity development models developed by Dr. William Cross and Dr. Janet Helms, research on family narratives by Dr. Robyn Fivush, and storytelling models from Showing Up for Racial Justice NYC Calling In Workshop, this workshop series draws on writing practices by New York Writer’s Coalition (NYWC) and Lynda Barry, and supports participants through an experience that will help them share their own stories with their children, and make connections to a larger conversation around action for racial justice.

Workshops are highly interactive/participatory and space is limited. Please come with a pencil and paper and be ready to write! Sharing your stories is voluntary but encouraged. Workshops will be facilitated by Sachi Feris. While Raising Race Conscious Children’s workshops are open to all and strategies/prompts will be inclusive of all, this workshop may be more relevant for people who identify as White.

Please note: Previous participation in Raising Race Conscious Children’s Introductory workshop series is encouraged but not required.

To register for a future workshop, click here.

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Special thanks for support/feedback during the development of this workshop series to Martha Haakmat, Julia Morris, Nancy Weber, Liz Welch, Tracy Gray, Myra Hernandez, Melissa Le, Julia Schaffer, Alexis Gargagliano, Bethany Robertson, Kevin Feinberg, Suzanne Camou Linkroum, Genevieve Rosenbaum, Jessica Lipschultz, Viviana Benitez, Jessica Ticktin, Rebecca Williams, Wendy Cole, Carlie Krakoff, Jenna Bouchard, Marsha, D, and Manny Feris, and in remembrance of Mari Haas.